To My Airman D

Dear D

I hate having all this nothing time. People love a break, yes sure. But after a while when you have no one to share it with, it becomes maddening. This definitely makes me sure that I could not pull a Walden. I’ve had too much time to think which makes me over think which as you know can be a very dangerous and annoying thing.

I think I know what my problem is. It’s not necessarily that I don’t have faith in where we’ll end up. I have full confidence that you and I will be married some day and settle down with kids and a decent living to raise them with. I think my problem is that my train of thought always goes to the in between. Yes you have good insurance, but what’s the process? What’s a mortgage? How long will we be on the housing wait list after we get married? What if I don’t get that job? You’ll be too far away for me to help you if you get depressed or really sick again and still refuse to go to the doctor. There are just so many variables small and big that I can’t even begin to keep track of. 

I know that we talked about the whole uncertainty of you wanting to stay in the military, even if you did have a chance to get officer. I think it might be easier once I’m with you. Even the moving every couple of years, I can manage with that. Once we’re ready to start a family, well we can start slowing things down and plan out where to settle. We can move while they’re still young. That way, we’ll at least have generated a significant amount of savings and you’ll have a good amount of work experience to transfer back over to what you’ve always wanted to do. It’s a lot of future talk, but it’s just something that we were talking about in passing that I’ve been thinking about.